I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
