i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
