this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
