I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I will die if light touches me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
