What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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