You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
