i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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