I think i peed on brittanys purse
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
