i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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