Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
