you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
