Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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