Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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