I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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