D3 body, D1 cock
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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