Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
