well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
