And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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