My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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