the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
