exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
