Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
