I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
