i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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