i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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