The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
