I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
