...so i touched it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
