Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
