I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
