for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
