Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
