we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize