He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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