You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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