She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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