just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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