508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
