I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
