I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
