Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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