I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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