im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
