We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
