small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
