i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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