You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
