dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
