Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
