just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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