Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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