called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
