He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize