im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
