Well apparently he's into motor boating.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
