I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
