i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
